Many couples report that, after years of marriage, they feel little connection and closeness to their spouse, resulting in a “roommate relationship.” Other couples realize soon after the wedding that their expectations for married life and their spouse were very different than reality. The view of marriage put forth by popular culture tends to romanticize the way we feel and places little emphasis on effort and expectations. We see many couples who say that relationships should not be work, and we fundamentally disagree with this. We see other couples who say that their kids should be the focus because their spouse will still be there once the kids leave. Unfortunately, often what these couples find once the kids leave is a stranger rather than a partner.
Relationships take work. If you are at a point where you need to work hard to keep your marriage a priority, you are not alone. It likely means you are past the honeymoon phase of your marriage. There are many demands on your time, and these are important. However, when the foundation of your marriage is crumbling, everything else around you can become unstable as well.
Our therapists use Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy when working with couples. We teach couples to identity patterns of behavior, communication, and interactions that lead to feeling disconnected and hurt. We teach strategies for making the marriage a priority while still juggling the other demands on your time and energy. We practice deeper communication that focuses on understanding emotions, rather than changing their partner, and we assist couples with taking the steps required to promote lasting change. Most of our couples report improved communication and connection within several sessions, and at the end of the treatment process report feeling closer than they have ever felt in their marriage.